I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
