I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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