Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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