omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
oh god the rape fog is back!
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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