I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
