I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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