I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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