Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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