apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Randomize
