I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
