I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
