"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
