I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize
