The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
