can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Randomize
