dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
