You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
