all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
