There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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