his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
