the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
