there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize