you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
