At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
My pussy is not your playground.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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