Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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