Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
