So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
