A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
he puts the penis in happiness.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
