And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Randomize
