I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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