i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I just found puke in my bra..
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Randomize
