i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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