if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize