Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
