I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
