it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
