Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
