apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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