did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
two words...techno handjob
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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