If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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