Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
