I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
