Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
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