If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
