i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Randomize
