mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
