Cold hands, warm shart.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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