this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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