Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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