Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize