so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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