he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
