I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize