I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
