You just made me feel so damn special
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
