turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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