I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
