Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
