I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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