But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
