he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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