Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
