i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
